I think they're racing to 88 mph

Imagine if you will a small 3 foot child around the age of 8.  Good 15lbs overweight, thick plastic framed glasses (because I wanted to look more like a scientist.. no joke that was my logic), a buzzed mom done hair cut, and a lisp.  Have that mental image yet?  This pre-pubesent creature is what expects call a perfect specimen for soaking up facts about the History of The Future (or as some would call it Sci-Fi Nerd).

Don't ask me what I'm doing with that rock, cuz I have no idea

So, here I was 8 and great, and in my hands was a VHS of Star Trek 4.  Whales, time travel, Aliens, warp drive … I was hooked.  I remember not long after that, I was sick with strep throat, and I made my parents drive me down to Video Villa to rent every Star Trek there was… which was only 5 movies at the time.

From there, I built a fort (camper lantern in the back for the Warp Core) and escaped my painful-spotted-throat reality and beamed my mind to a reality of Floating Purple Blood, Pointy Ears, Star Ships, and cameos of people we’d see later in very non-trek rolls!!!

It has been my dream … neh my desire for warp drive to become a reality… for all aliens I meet to have two arms and two legs and speak english… and of course for  San Fransisco to be the center of the Galaxy’s united government.  Which is why I can NEVER PLAY STAR TREK ONLINE.

I was never into World of Warcraft, the Star Wars Galaxy was semi appealing, and all the rest of the Mega Multi-Players just didn’t even show up on my radar enough to make this list.  I wouldn’t be able to just dabble… oh no I understand how great this game is to be, I would be pulled in and assimilated to STO, let me say resistance would be futile. I shake in my black socks and tie as I think of what my life would be like if I even dipped my little-toe into the pool of Star Trek Online.

Let’s look at my current reality::

1. House, with some maintenance required… sprinklers, tile, cleaning, bills, etc.
2. Good job with benefits, Sr Financial Analyst at University of California (sure we’re out of money, but no one told us)
3. Rockin car collection, Alfa GTV, Alfetta, Mustang GT, and of course Red Giulietta
4. Good group of Friends, we brew beer, play video games, make dick jokes, give un-needed advice to eachother… I mean everything you’d want from a close group of guys
5. Good health, I’m in good shape, exercise every day, and can easily do 23 pull ups without stopping (bragging? yep but it’s my blog)
6. And of course my Beautiful wife, who is Smitten with Shoes apparently

Let’s now take a look at the same list but after I’ve played STO for 6 months::

1. I don’t have a house and I am using free WiFi from the Holiday Inn while parked in my car next to the Loby
2. Job is gone and I pawn off forged items of Lennard Nemoy to pay for subscription fees
3. Cars are all sold to pay for life like Star Trek renovation of the Kitchen, but lost the house so the kitchen’s gone, and bought a vw van from Ex- Body building icon Jack Lalanne that came with a juicer.
4. Friends only exist on my virtual Bridge of the USS Dagobah, a small ship, but solid and experienced crew of which no dick jokes are made
5. Because of my new STO Ponch I have to pee sitting down, I have wrist braces to help with the over use of my Phaser key, and I can only pull up my pants.
6. And my wife is still Smitten by shoes in the seat next to me blogging on free Holiday Inn WiFi.

Here’s the bottom line, I like to be able to see my crotch, and I don’t need a juicer.  Rock out with your Spock out, Star Trek Online is not for me.